“HATERS”. I don’t recall this word as a child, but it’s often heard nowadays. So what is a hater, or rather who is a hater? There are many definitions one could use for the term hater. “A person who feels anger and/or jealousy for someone who has succeeded in something they have worked hard for.
A being who speaks badly,and/or takes negative actions in attempt to create problems for a successful person.” [Urban Dictionary] Some make their hatred known for you by boldly showing you or letting you know how they feel about you although most haters remain hidden. Those are the ones who roll their eyes back in their heads when you pass, or heave a sigh, or speak to you in riddles while trying to take the high road… (I know you sitting there smiling because this has happened to you). Truth be told we all have undercover haters. Some more than others. And you would be amazed at what the reasons for hating are!! I thought only women were bitchy and nasty but after speaking to my husband, brother, father and a respected teacher (just to get a male’s perspective), it seems men are just as insecure.
There are several wrongs about this condition, what she we call it?… Oh err “Hating”. (Laugh out loud!)
Seriously though, it is extremely unhealthy especially if the hater is a parent because this will be mimicked by their children and so the vicious cycle continues. It stems from insecurity where the hater wants so much to be like their object of hatred/jealousy, or the hater may want the attention of people on him/herself rather than on the object of their jealousy/hatred. These haters always think the grass is greener on the other side. Why assume that when they don’t know the road their object of malice has traveled.
Why assume I am false or pretentious when all I want to do is fit in?
Why assume that I think I know everything when I am well read?
Why assume that I want to be seen just because I wear what was given to me?
Why assume that I want to be a famous big shot when all I do is work meticulously and diligently?
Why would you assume that I am so beautiful and thin when you don’t know of my ill health?
Why assume I am a saint when all I want is the forgiveness of my Lord?
You see my glory, but you don’t know my story.
Our actions of today may be compared to the Munafiqeen in the time of the Rasoolullah (Sallallahu ‘Alayhi wa Sallam). Harsh description you think? I think not? We don’t pretend to be Muslims, but our hurting other Muslims when they are genuine in intention is a trait of Munafiqeen. How so? Take this for example… The Munaafiqeen did not want to spend a penny for the cause of Islam nor did they want others to do so. They could not bear people spending generously on the poor. So, when they used to see an ordinary labourer happily giving whatever dates he could save, sacrificing the needs of his wife and children as if buying the wealth of the two worlds in their place, they used to writhe and twist with venom and satisfied their anger by scorning and taunting them.” (“Tadabbur-i-Qur’ān”, Vol 3, Pgs 202-3)
I am sure yo can recall similar incidents happening to either yourself or people you know.
Maya Angelou, a writer mentions “Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb (if he/she isn’t about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parents being in the home
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.”
Those who hate may well be in our very families or circle of friends. Be wise and keep your eyes open. Please don’t accuse people without proof or insult them or return the hatred. That is certainly not the way of a Muslim and will not bring you any satisfaction. All you will be doing is stooping to their level and then it really just becomes a game of cat and mouse. Remember they hate you, for being YOU. So continue to be just that. If you are sensitive, you may often end up in tears. It is important to make yourself strong by trusting and believing in who you are. Because a person who is being hated is usually a secure person, one who is content with life. Don’t let comments of the haters change the good in you although this can be tough if the malice comes from close members of one’s family.
Whoever it is, kill them with kindness when you see them or simply try to keep your distance. Just keep doing what you do, for Allah’s pleasure and not to show anyone nor take revenge. Read your “manzil” and your du’as for protection as the evil eye will most certainly fall. And should we at any time have had a moment of jealousy or envy, then we should hasten to seek Allah’s forgiveness. We have mentioned in previous posts regarding jealousy, envy, evil eye, etc. that we should not be sorry for anything that passes us by because that thing might contain an evil which Allah has kept far from us. We should not exult in what comes to us because the thing which comes to us and which we exult in, may be bad for us. That is in conformity with the words of Allah Almighty: “Nothing happens either in the earth or yourselves but that it is in a Book before We bring it into being. That is an easy matter for Allah. [He says this] that you may not be grieved about the things that pass you by nor exult in the things that come to you. Allah does not love any” vain or boastful man.” (57:22-23)
“When a bird is alive… it eats Ants. When the bird is dead… ants eat the bird! So time and circumstances can change at any time. Don’t devalue or hurt anyone in life. You may be powerful today. But remember, time is more powerful than you! One tree makes a million matchsticks. But when the time comes, only one match stick is needed to burn a million trees. Don’t judge me ’till you know me. Don’t underestimate me ’till you challenge me. Don’t talk about me ’till you talk to me. The world is full of haters: they will hate you, rate you, and even try to break you. But how you stand up to them will make you. Let your hater be your motivator”. [Mufti Ismail Menk]
When we become pleased with the decree of Allah, then Allah will bless us both in matters of our religion and in our worldly affairs. Contentment is really the cure for all haters out there. If you have been or are hated, know that there will always be one who will hate you. The beloved Rasool of Allah went through it. It is just a pity that we have haters in our very own communities. Those who will not correct their “hater attitude” will be consumed by it. Those who are objects of it, keep the hearts pure. Islam is after all a religion of peace and not hate. And Allah knows what we conceal in our breasts.