Advice for the Husband and Wife

The husband and wife need to be compliant, cooperative and conciliatory toward one another, and to advise each other and urge each other toward obedience to Allah (subhana wa ta’ala), following all of His ruling which have been clearly established in the Qur-aan and the Sunnah. These must never be superceded by blind following of any religious or other figures, or any custom or school of thought which has predominated among the people. Allah (azza wa jal) says “It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error. ” [Surah 33 al Ahzaab, v:33-36]

Each of them should fully carry out the duties and responsibilities with which Allah has obligated them toward the other…thus, the wife should not try to have all of the same rights as her husband, and the husband must never exploit the role of leadership and authority to which he has been assigned in the marriage relationship to oppress her, strike her or to be otherwise unfair to her.

Allah said: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree of advantage over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise. [Surah 02 al Baqarah, v:228]

Allah also said “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill­conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great. ” [Surah 04 an-Nisaa, v:34]

Mu’aawiya ibn Haida (radiyAllahu ‘anhu) said “O Rasoolullah, what rights do our wives have over us?” Rasoolullah Salallahu ‘Alayhi wa Sallam said “That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, clothe them as you clothe yourselves, never invoke ugliness upon them, (referring to the custom of the Arabs when they are angry they say ‘May Allah make your face ugly’) never strike them in the face, and in boycotting the marital bed, do not go outside of the house to sleep. How (could you do any of these things) after you have entered into one another, so do only that which is allowed with regard to her (for valid reasons). [Ahmad and it is saheeh]

In another hadeeth Rasoolullah (Sallallahu ‘Alayhi wa Sallam) said “The doers of justice will be on thrones of light at Allah’s right Hand and both of Allah’s hands are right hands- those who were just in their ruling, with their families and in all that over which there were given authority.” [Muslim]

When they both know and practice this, Allah (Subhaana wa ta’ala) grants them a good life and they will live for as long as they remain together- in the bliss of happiness. Allah said “Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has Faith, verily, to him will We give a new Life, a life that is good and pure, and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions.” [Surah 16 an Nahl, v:97]

Shaikh Naasir-ud Din al-Albani

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